Im still in the office and got a ton of things to do but I am still bored. So in the spirit of commemorating our departed, lost and missing loved ones I will post my previous blog entries from previous blogs. Well, an early warning, this could get messy and with messy I hope you find it a bit funny and with a subtle pang of nostalgia.
First Site: Multiply.
I dont really maintain my account here beacause first, this site is blocked in the office and second i just didn’t get attached to the site that much. All I have there are a couple of friends, a bunch of photo albums filled with self-love and an attempt blog-ish that served as my refuge whenever I feel like sh**.
in no particular order:
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hindi lahat ng emo naglalagay ng black eyeliner, yung iba, nagsusulat ng blog
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Posted:2 March 2009
“…sana laging may mga bituin para maituro ko sayo na katumbas ng bawat kutitap ay ang mga tibok ng aking puso na para sayo”
hindi ko na sa kanya masasabi ang mga katagang ito. kahit anumang pilit kong gustuhing sabihin, kailanman hindi na pwede.
ang tanong: gusto pa nya kaya makarinig ng gantong kadramahan mula saken? walang nakakaalam. ayoko na rin siguro malaman. para ano pa? para umasa ako na oo ang sagot tapos hindi naman pala. o dili kaya’y “oo” pala ang sagot niya tapos hindi ko din kakayaning sabihin. kasi nga hindi tama.
ayokong dumating sa puntong batbatin ang “katamaan” kung bakit “hindi pwede”. kung yun lang sana ang solusyon, kay daling magawa. Kaso, ang solusyon ay ang pagtanggap ng katamaan ng hindi pwede. tapos sa proseso ng pagtanggap ay ang pagtanggap na dumadaan ka sa proseso ng pagtanggap ng bagay na hindi mo akalaing kailangang tanggapin.
nakakasunod ka pa ba?
hindi kita masisisi kung gusto mo maglagay ng comment na “huh?”. madalas ako din napapa-huh sa sarili ko. sana may malaking comment box sa totoong buhay para may buhay na “reality check”.
baka sakaling mapadali ang pagsiguro kung saang yugto ka na ng proseso.
sana may “home” button din para kahit saan ka man mapunta, kahit anumang pindutin mo at siliping site, alam mong isang click lang babalik ka kung saan ka nagmula.
ampotah, existential na ako. basta, sana may mga kung anu-anong button. hanggagu lang, alam ko namang wala at imposible magkaroon ng mga wish kong buttons. wala lang. ang sarap lang mag-imagine ng what if kung meron.
sabagay, kungmeron, wala na sana ang blog entry ko na to.
isa pa ha…
ampotah. manang carmen, engeng blade.
#2:
pagtulog ng hindi nakatulog. pagkain ng hindi nabusog\
posted: 22 April 2008
iisipin mo,pa-irony-epek ang title ng entry na ‘to. hmm… medyo. siguro. sa totoo lang, hindi isang tayutay ang pamagat. totoo itong nangyayari saken. creepy man. oo.
para maging tao ako sa isang araw, kailangan ko ng 6-8 oras ng pagtulog. syempre sa panahon ngayon na kay taas ng presyo ng bigas,ambisyosa ang feat na ito. kaya nga’t unti-unting sinusubukan kong paiksiin ang tulog ko: 6, 51/2, 5, 3, 2, 0…. sa proseso ng pagsubok masanay sa kaunti o walang tulog, naramdaman ko ang pagtatampo ng tulog. well, nagkakadaupang palad pa rin kami,pero malamig ang pakitungo niya saken. parang isang dating matalik ng kaibigan na “ha?” lang ang sagot kapag kinakausap.
kapag kilala mo si dette-c, sasabihin mong palayaw niya ang trash can. matakaw siya. tipong pag ayaw mo na ng pagkain mo, malugod siyang kainin ito for you.(pasensya na kung nag-iba ng person, may pseud0-subconscious-eew yata ako sa pagiging matakaw) NWEI, basta hindi ako na bubusog…sumisikip lang yung pantalon
syet, P30.67 na daw babayaran ko sa rent.
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I also started a blog in Friendster, but when Facebook caught my heart, i just forgot about it up until now.:
http://jinx-cursed-booed.blog.friendster.com/
See, I was an existensial, loveless punkass who thinks life could be simplified and that Ican change events as they unfold. Now, I am asking myself if I am still that brat wallowing in pain and love ache, whether I am still that rebel. Whether I can still laugh at my silliness.
It makes me cringe a little because i dont Know anymore. I am not sure. Moreover I am not sure if I want to know.
Once again, I click on log in earlier after typing in my user name and password. It’s 8:59 pm and I utter a prayer, or maybe you can call it a curse, hoping that this night would be better than the last.
I always wish that the days would be better than the last. Unfortunately, I always find tomorrow worse than yesterday and the day before that. Sometimes I wonder if my standard is just askew or if I really care about such things. Wait… I used to care. I am just not sure if I care still.
It has been more than a year since I started digging a grave for plans made when I was young than I am now. On that day, there’s a subtle gloom in my spirit. It was like a silent acceptance that I can no longer be who I was before. I can no longer be that edgy punkass. I can no longer have the guts to lambaste anybody, I can no longer have the wit to make fun of passersby.
On that day, I was firm and nervous of the transformation I accepted to undergo with this job. Before, my mouth is filled with slogans and principles upholding women’s rights among others, but now, my stomach churns with the sight of a hairy, moist genitalia. Which, by the way happens around 10 times minimum per night.
I croak and moan for 6am to come. but it never comes when I want it. I had no choice but to go on with the croaking and moaning out of disgust. Then, one day, I just dont feel anything towards the wet and moist and freshly fucked vagina, my stomach does not churn anymore with all the pubic hair, uncircumcised penis and faces contorted to evoke lust or otherwise.
From then on I log in with ease. I log out with ease. I go through all 9 hours with ease.
But the ultimate question: am I happy that I am at ease now? It might sound highly existential and naive, but seriously I always ask myself if I am happy. Sometimes I said yes, sometimes no and more often I just ignored myself. Not that the question does not mean a thing, but the question opens up a lot of important things that I left unresolved from the past. But as always I will just ignore this point.
That’s how most of us are. We just ignore a thing up until we dont care anymore, until we just stopped feeling anything. But who are we kidding? The condition for such forlorn state of the mind and the spirit still exists, we just procastinated over it. We just start to live in a waking life with all the baggages and the problems yet to be dealt with. They just loom over us like an axe tied with a rope soon to snap. One day it will crack our head open, just like one day I will fully accept that my job is fucked up. I will read this blog entry once more and will scold myself for not quitting earlier.
Hi I am Ngarud and tonight (or today, you know what I mean) I will make a drastic confession…
I am a Facebook addict.
But before flinging the first stone let me fill you up with disclaimers and boohoos why what happened is not my fault AT ALL. At first it started because I once had an addiction to musicals, which I still have now and the group I found in facebook is just marvelous! We post lines of out favorite musicals one after another, write our favorite musicals and characters and singer. It was a gay who lived in the 1940’s heaven to say the least.
After that group it all went fast forward and I just got slammed to the wall mainting around 20 games, a member of 67 groups and has atleast 400 friends, most of whom I can’t even pronounce their names. From an interest I felt a smorgasbord of internet connection trash. I waste most of my time brushing the a pet, looking for dry crops to water, attacking an asshole with a mouse click, trying to be the most fab vamp, stealing from friends’ island, cooking, buying a new wall paper for my resto, checking if there are lost pets to be adopted and a buncha stuff to do.
But come to think of it, I can’t really cash out all those chips, I can’t really feed the typhoon victims with my crops and I can’t really kill that asshole who got more untraceable cellphone than I do. But day in and day out I still do it. Just like most of my friends do. And most of my non-friends do. So tonight as a start I deleted all the groups I can do without and the following are left (in random order):
1. Akap Bata Sectoral Organization - they could be and I hope so be the first party list focusing solely on children
2. the Jerks - it’s a sin not to be in their group
3. 
Cafe World - a fun game that requires prestine cooking skills… lol. cmon guys give me time to let go of this game. lol
4. 
UJP-UP Diliman Alumni Circle - yes I am a proud member
5. Beatles Fans Around the World - they’re only the GREATEST musicians
6. And WHY can’t my life be a musical - this group started my addiction,,, love it
7. DATU’S TRIBE - love their music. hehe
8. Stop the Killings in the Philippines - devoted to stop the killings of activists, journalists and filipinos who stands for immediate change in our country
9. KABATAAN Partylist - the first ever partylist for the youth and of the youth. This party had etched youth action for social change in the history of parliamentary struggle by taking a seat in the congress.
and lastly…
10.Are You Afraid of the Dark? scared the 7 year old shit out of me - it is either you dont have a tv or a retard not to be haunted by that laughing clown in the OBB.
I am also part of League of Filipino Students - National, Desaparecidos, and ILPS Solidarity.
With these 10 I am still trying to do away with other applications I dont really need. hehe. wish me Luck. I will end this with one question: what’s your internet addiction?
Unang beses ko mag-blog ng seryosohan o baka akala ko lang seryoso na. Hindi naman talaga ako ganun ka-interesado mag-blog pero dahil sa pag-iiba ng pamumuhay, naisip kong kailangan ko nito. Kumunekta lang ba. Makibasa. May maipabasa. Masabi lang na may ibang ginagawa bukod sa trabaho, pagtulog at pag-inom.
Hindi naman ako mahanapin na tao. Tipong, sa pangalawang talata na ito medyo nararamdaman ko na ang mga immediate effects sa akin ng mga sinasabi ko dito — una, tinatamad na akong magtrabaho; pangalawa, nagugutom na ata ako at pangatlo, naisip kong bakit tag-lish ako magsulat ganun na ba talaga ang lala ng pagbabago ko?
Mas masaya sana at mas may kabuluhan ang mga iba-blog ko sa susunod. Madami akong gustong ibahagi sa mundo. hehe. Madami kasi akong natutunan sa kanya. Kaya, dito muna. Try ko munang aralin kung paano i-edit to. Nakakaasar dapat kasi laging may F1 sa lahat ng pagkakataon. :p
